Why Blood Bowl Coaches Deserve Their Own Fan Gear (And Yes, We Made Some)
NMD HoardGooood morning sports fans!!! There’s nothing like the smell of AstroTurf in the morning! Well, maybe scoring the game-winning touchdown, turn 16 after 4 successful dodges, and two rushes, after a series of nuffle-cursed skulls and ones that burned your rerolls… but there is such a thing as too much fantasy in fantasy football.
One thing is true of all coaches of the Great Game, more Blood Bowl, more of the time, is better.
Coaches live and breathe the game, and for all the time we spend painting, promising to paint, and dreaming of painting these heroic figures, there isn’t enough gear available to equip a coach for the battle of every game.
I’m talking some serious apparel that brings the heart of the game into the world and offers a nod to the trials of past victories and defeats to the coach sitting opposite you. An insider’s acknowledgement of the triumphs and tribulations experienced by all who dare to step onto the field.
It was a mild day in 2016, perfect conditions for Bloodbowl, when I chanced upon a box of Bloodbowl: First Season, tucked up on the shelf amongst armies of Space Marines and Tyranids and Dungeons and Dragons figures, at my local game shop.
I was looking for a Christmas present for my husband, who is a huge NFL fan despite being in Australia. The concept of orcs battling humans on a football pitch was the right amount of whimsy, fantasy, and reality that spoke to the days of early Warcraft.
Resigned to the fact that it was a two-player game – our boys were too young to play at the time – and that I was signing up to be part of this adventure, I took it home. On Christmas morning, hubby fell in love with the ‘some assembly required’ game, and I became the wife of a Blood Bowler. (We might need a support group.)
Fast forward through a Second Season release, learning how to paint miniatures, stepping up to even numbers across the final 4 rounds of our local league (Chaos on the Coast), an official NAF membership, and a tournament later, I think I might have to admit I’m a coach now.
From my unique position as both support staff and begrudging coach, I’ve been on the sidelines watching, and there is the same passion for the game as any sports fan would have for their real-world sports team.
Bloodbowlers LOVE loot. Dice, teams, dice cups, slam mats, stadiums, coins, and tokens! It makes eyes sparkle. These are tools of a coach. Objects that help bring these small miniatures into the scale of giants.
And yet — for all this passion, where’s the coach’s uniform? Where is our fan apparel?
We’re coaches. We wear our hearts on our dice, but it’s time we start wearing them on our shirts too.
Because Blood Bowl isn’t just a game.
It’s identity.
It’s ritual.
It’s heartbreak, glory, and yelling at plastic in public.
It’s a tribe.
And like every true sports fan, we deserve to look the part.
Perhaps it is just the Australian market. We are quite removed from the UK home stomping grounds, and much further across the pond than our American friends, and perhaps this is why bloodbowl gear is rarer than a halfling MVP.
Sure, some industrious few can sometimes summon up a custom jersey or team tee (VIVA LA Bloodbowl) — but for most of us? The sidelines are looking very underdressed.
I have watched hubby struggle to find supporters’ gear for his NFL team, his NHL team, and sometimes even his NRL team, and can feel the frustration of not being dressed the part. Not being part of the crowd, one of the loyal few, whose voice is the reason the last score was achieved.
So no. I will not stand idly by while coaches across Australia (and beyond) show up to league night in plain civvies.
A good tee is more than cotton.
It’s a battle standard.
A pre-game prayer to Nuffle.
A knowing nod across the table that says:
“Yes, I’ve also turned double skulls into – double skulls”
Blood Bowl is global.
We speak many languages, but we all speak dice.
And Nuffle — fickle, vengeful, beloved Nuffle — wants one thing above all else:
More Blood Bowl.
And maybe, just maybe, a really good t-shirt.
